I used to give this book away for free. Which was fine while writing was a sideline for me. But now that writing is my “full time” day job I must charge for my work. So click on one of the links below to continue to read this story.
Thank you
– Declan
For instant reading on your Kindle/Kindle app. go to your “local” Kindle store US Store click here for the UK Store click here and the German Store click here.
For Barns and Noble’s Nook Version click here.
To read on your PC, PDA, Phone, etc. goto SmashWords to download the book in various formats, or to read it on-line.
And I would like to thank you very much for your interest in my work.
it was very well written and interestting! i think you did a great job ^^ i only feel it lacked something but other than that it’s one heck of a story :]
Thanks Liz.
wow. it took me two days to read this but i was really surprised that it kept me up untill the early hours of the morning to read because i was so hooked on it. i think your a really good writer and your style is good, i hope you keep on writing good stuff and have great success.
Thank you Lizzy, I’m really glad you like my writing.
hii sir , i enjoyed this very much , it shows how deep u concentrate in writing best wishes 4 you to coming novels after a long time i feel lighter
Thank you Anil, I too am excited about the launch of my new novel.
nice one…liked reading it all through…sex scenes were too long sometimes but perhaps u had ur own reasons to be elaborate…good work…congratulation
Thanks Sandeep, I’m really glad you likes it.
Hmmm, ok. I must say I was positively surprised when I came across this book online. I was looking for something different from the very basic and boring “said and done” erotic stories (porn stories probably would be more correct) and I end up stuck to the computer screen for a few hours… I enjoyed the development of the characters, the description, the debate of feelings.
I liked the focus on the need for opening yourself to another in a relationship. Being with someone whom you wish to learn about and feel close to that doesn’t correspond in kind is incredibly frustrating and lessening, a lot more than a harsh true. It’s a lot easier to address the latter logically.
I agree with what was before. In a situation where two people are in love, if there is such an issue pending, I’d rather encourage the situation than to run away from reality and let it become a more serious weigh in the future. Rather sooner (and “in the know”) than later I guess.
However, I find that someone expecting to be corresponded in love after a few dates a bit unreasonable. As I find the seemingly obvious deduction “we get along well in a few dates > we are attracted to each other > we are going to sleep together” lacking depth. It is a cultural thing though, so I didn’t find it out of place.
I wish there were some more Kevins around. Unfortunately, they are not so numerous and they generally become “Alexandras” (not meaning a sex change!) or succumb to their “macho” side altogether…
All in all, a very enjoyable and thought provoking story. I have only one minor negative thought: Am I the only one tired of “pretty characters”? Do they really need to play tennis four times a week?
Hi Anna,
Thanks for taking the time to read my novel and write a comment. I’m glad you enjoyed my story.
As for “pretty characters” I’m afraid that my next few ideas for stories are also populated by them. Maybe I’ll develop some ugly characters as I mature
Allan
thank you for a very thoughtful comment. I am glad that you under stood my characters. Kevin had an immature understanding of love, Alex had baggage and sometimes I think I made Jasmine too perfect.
As for the ending I ended the story because Kevin’s involvement with Alex ended, after all the book is titled “Alexandra”
I am a slow reader but I got through it. Beautifully orchestrated and developed. So many thoughts about Alexandria as to why she was the way she was. I think Kevin was blinded by the beauty of her and wanted and wished for more than she wanted to give or commit. An anology of this would be like a virgin sailor going into town on leave and sees a lovely and lonely hooker, has a beautiful time with her, goes back to the ship and dreams of marrying her. Head over heals ! I saw Kevin like this. Obviously very immature and Alex it comes out, is carrying a lot of baggage. She should have had a girl friend to talk this over with.
And Jasmine has got to be the most perfect model of a wife to desire for any man. Wisdom and understanding far above Kevin’s. Instead of ignoring what Kevin was going through, she addressed it. As a woman, I don’t see how Jasmine could live with Kevin’s thoughts going to another woman in his sleep despite what he says. In bed you developed her perfectly well, sensitive, erotic, loving, caring, absolutely the dream girl.
Going back to see Alex was a stroke of genius. What happened at the table was well put together. Alex is not ready for marriage. And in a way, neither is Kevin. Their emotions in bed is getting in the way! I kept wondering if Kevin would really do a last fling of all flings. But somehow, you just knew that they would. Would it give them both the answers to end all of this? What was gained by the last fling?? You just knew it would not end or be over at the table and just walk away. Her and Jasmine lived too close together and had some of the same friends. Beautiful !
In the end, I thought it was rather short and abrupt. Does it mean she will not marry him now but maybe later? Is she going to babysit him to be the best novel writer and help make him successful and then what? Maybe there needs to be some time to go by before they tie the knot and get this Alex thing behind them both.
Too little too late for Alex. What did she hope to gain? Two years?! And now she is going all the way? I think from what she did to Kevin and not communicate with him, Kevin deserves this one last fling to totally have her. Almost like a payment to pay Kevin back. But too late. Two years wasted. Kevin was being dumb and immature. Too many really big decisions are made in bed. Very well done
Hi Gerome, it was only after I wrote this novel that I realised that other people also had relationships like this. So in a way writing this was somewhat therapeutic for me.
Good luck with your own novel, and let me know when you get it finished.
Wow, I fell in love with a girl who treated me very much like Alex. And now, 4 years and several relationships later, she still haunts my dreams occasionally. I don’t think she ever loved me back, really, even though she admitted to me that she thought she could love me…she just chose not to! By the way, I enjoyed your writing style. I am about thirty thousand words into my first fiction work, inspired partly by the heartache of that relationship…interesting.
I have to say that that was the most frustrating book I ever read. It was slow at first but as the chapters progressed the topics and thoughts put in to it became more intricate. I am not Alexander but I know for a fact that I used to be Kevin. I think that the reason I got so frustrated was because I saw so much of myself and my past relationships in this book. I stumbled upon this site randomly and I am really happy I did. I just might have some of my friends visit the site and read this incredible story.
(Tragically) I’ve seen a lot of the situations you describe and I hope I am not totally screwed by it now. I am still not able to understand Alexandra, but I am too very glad, Marissa can. It makes me feel less abused by one or two of my less successful tries of building a relationships.
The moment Alexandra tries to explain why she is that way is a very strong one for me, because when I was faced with a similiar situation, I did want to know. It ended in a very deep relationship that lasted for more than 5 years, but I invested a lot of my strength to build up my partner. Which she obviously was able to cherish – but when I needed to regain some strength she (maybe unconsciously) called for more and more and I delivered. The relationship began to crumble, she found another one with whom she could share her problems* with and decided I wasn’t “strong enough to handle her” (nearly exact quote, it was in german though) and dumped me for him. It left me devasted and it took me nearly another five years to digest the whole thing. Looking back, ten years I would have liked to invest in a another partner, but I maybe would not be, where I am now and I am not complaining about my current location and position.
Anyway a very good read, I’d love to share with some friends but can’t since their proficency of english is probably not good enough.
——————-
*(or rather she chose not to share _her_ problems, since I guess he doesn’t know a lot or even any, but has strong emotionally problems of his own)
Thank you, Shailesh, for your positive comments. I am glad that you liked my story.
As to when I am getting it published, the answer is as no traditional published thinks there is a market for it I have decided to publish it myself as a downloadable ebook.
Great start for an aspiring writer.I am into writing too..not exactly romantic.This novel is well framed ,I think because its an anecdote.For the fictions also same aura of writing would do magic.When r u geting it published.
Thanks John
Spelling has always been my weak point
Great story even though it dragged on a bit. Spelling could improve
Thank you, Kasturi, for a very fine comment.
I am glad that you felt the emotions of my novel, both the lust and the love aspects. The story was based on real experience, not so much the actual physical scenes that happen in the novel, but on the emotional level. It was indeed written “from the heart”.
I am glad that the sex scenes turned you on, and also that you felt the emotions of the characters. That is why I call my work “Literary Erotica”. I want the reader to be moved on an emotional level by the characters as well as being aroused by the sex scenes. I believe that if I can put the reader “in the shoes” of the characters and make them feel the emotions, as well as see the physical acts, described in the sex scenes that the sex scenes will be even more powerful than just showing the surface physical acts as you would find in pornography.
It dragged out a little and at times. I was lost wondering if he is ever going to sleep with Alexandra. It keep me hanging on each word, each syllabus to know what is going to happen next. It sounds something that was based on real experience.
Truly, felt it was from the heart, the anguish and the tremendous pain of not knowing who and why we fall in love.
Moving forward, a little disappointing was the issue of love and lust. I feel lust, everyone does. But, Mr.Stanley, I am a typical Indian women raised in a normal traditional family value in Asia, where self respect and virginity matters in our culture. Yes, I would agree people do not appreciate it anymore or there is no true meaning for the husbands to expect a wife to be a virgin, but to the small group who does, it does matters. It matters to me mostly. Temptation are laughing at our faces all the time, esp. being well educated and stable and to mingle with those non-virgin friends and one night stands are a high risk but I do enjoy it all the same, it keeps the pulse going and to see on the level of tolerance I can fight the urges. I haven’t scum to it yet, but who knows? If I ever found someone like Kevin who loves you enough to give yourself
But then, a book is truly to be enjoyed. It tells a men and a women that loving someone is going to be painful as it is sweet. It is a risk but at times it can turn out to be the best moment in life. I guess it takes some bad relationship to point us the good once, so we would appreciate the love and the life our partner is offering and give all we have to make it work. A mark on the religion and beliefs might have been setback for some, but I don’t see it in such. I loved the novel as much as I felt every single heartbeat of the love around Kevin and Jasmine.
It took me 2 days to finish as I was reading it on and off, but i think it was worth the time. And, I did enjoy each and every bit of the sexual encounters too. It really turns you on
Thank You.
may we expect more? need some sensuel novel on d theme of adultery in politician, diplomates & corporate bigshot’s life.
Juliette
I am two in minds about Kevin as well. Half the time I think that he has a point and that he was hard done by, the other half I just want to kick him and tell him to grow up and get a life.
As for Jasmine sending Kevin back to Alexandra: it was a case of “If you love somebody set them free, if they come back to you they will love for forever, if they don’t then they never really loved you in the first place.” Jasmine knew that he had unresolved issues and needed him to work through them before she could know that he really did love her.
Kate
I am so glad that you liked my novel enough to sit at your computer for two hours straight to read it.
I did incorporate a lot of myself in Kevin, or rather the core motivations and ideas that drive Kevin originated within me, and my observations of myself and my relationships, but obviously I exaggerated and dramatised them. But then the same can be said of Alexandra, or indeed any character I might create. The initial ideas come from within myself, but once the character starts to develop they gain a voice of their own and become distinct from myself(if that makes sense).
Great read. I’m sooo glad that he got together with Jasmine in the end. Did you incorporate yourself in to this story? Not necessarily meaning you ARE Kevin, but do you have mirroring attributes? It took me 2 hours to read this story, and it was honestly the best two hours I’ve spent on a computer.
I’m not so sure about this one. I really liked it at first, but by the time I finished, I couldn’t help but feel that I’d wasted time… I don’t know… Why does this guy cry so much? He cries more than I do, and I’m a recent divorcee who’s only child just left the house for college across country. The over all plot wasn’t that convincing. Personally, if I was with a guy who only thought about himself getting off, I’d dump his ass quick. And what’s up with this Jasmine character? No woman in thier right mind would tell the “love of their life” to go fuck another woman to see if he still loves her. Just my opinion…
Hi Marissa, thanks for the great comment.
I am always relieved when people tell me that they understand the character of Alexandra. I am always afraid that by writing the story in Kevin’s voice that the other characters (Alexandra and Jasmine) would not be shown as full three dimensional people.
I didn’t want Alexandra to be just “a cow” I wanted my readers to know that she acted the way she did because of her own insecurities and that she was in as much emotional turmoil as Kevin was.
As for relationship counseling; in a way I did have that in mind, as when I started this novel I was working through a whole lot of emotions of my own. But then the story itself took over and the whole thing snowballed into Kevin’s story.
All I can think is “I am Alexandra”… I was dating a guy for 8 months and then broke up with him for what I thought at the time were perfectly legit and respectable reasons… but now after reading your novel I’m struck by how similar my treatment of him was to the way Alexandra treated Kevin, and now I can see how much I’ve hurt him… I was searching for security and the only way I could feel that was if I was in control. I lied to myself, just as Alexanda did – I told myself I trusted him when really I was controlled by fear of events in my past, fear of not being in cotnrol.
Wow… sorry… diarising on your website! I’m just shocked at how much I related to the characters (not just Alexandra… but understanding the other character’s as well… you said it well in your reply to Reco – “[Jasmine] is the type of person I would aspire to be; emotionally well balanced, mature and self secure”)…
I’m struck by how powerful your novel was… maybe I’m biased by my situation and where I’m at emotionally at the present, but I was just hanging on to find out what happened – why was Alexandra such a cow? How deeply did it affect Kevin? How would he react? What would he tell her???
As much as I hate cliches… I just cant’ express it any other way but to say it’s been scarily cathartic reading your novel and it’s given me a whole new perspective on my previous relationship, an insight that I don’t think I”d have gotten elsewhere! Thank you for writing it… even though I don’t think you had relationship counselling in mind when you put it together!!!
I need to go think… I’m emotionally exhausted! (and I think that’s the mark of a truly good story – one that engages your audience at a deeper level than mere entertainment).
End diary entry…!
Marissa
Hi Reco
I am that glad you enjoyed reading “Alexandra”.
A lot of Kevin, his feelings and thoughts, did come from within myself; although taken out of context, exaggerated and rearranged for dramatic effect. In my mid to late twenties I started to notice a repeating pattern to my relationships that I did not like and writing this novel was one of the ways that I sorted out in my own mind what I really wanted and needed.
I often feel that Alexandra comes off worst in this novel and always feel that I should write a novel from her point of view. That in some way I owe it to the character. Maybe one day I will get around to it, but not just yet.
As for Jasmine, no she is not real; that was more a case of me inventing a character that I would like to meet and have a relationship with. Or maybe of me projecting the type of person that I would aspire to be; emotionally well balanced, mature and self secure.
– Declan
All right.. I’ve got to say that I enjoyed that read quite a bit. It felt like quite a bit of the writing is from the heart, even though the main character shows a pretty good ability and liking for analyzing and rationalizing his feelings; he takes pride in understanding himself as a human being, probably at a level that others don’t.
Quite a bit of the Alexandra part comes across as drivel though.. but it does serve to make the reader feel lucky that, like Kevin, he/she gets to choose not to put themselves through what was foreshadowed, and unlike him, does so and gets out already.
Alexandra has issues and hasn’t given her brain a chance to help her resolve them.
Jasmine totally rocks. Is she real? She’s almost too seductively intelligent and has reached almost too high a level of self-fulfillment to be true.
Well done.
Rico.